Healthy Conflict Vs. Destructive Conflict
The phrase “healthy conflict” might seem contradictory. After all, no one actually likes conflict. Many people try to avoid it at all costs. However, there is such a thing as healthy conflict, and when you realize how effective it can be, you’ll end up turning from destructive conflict. Even relationships that appear “perfect” on paper deal with conflict and disagreements. The difference between healthy relationships and destructive ones is often how those people handle conflicts.
So, what is healthy conflict? How does it differ from destructive conflict, and how can you implement it into your life and relationships?
What Does Healthy Conflict Look Like?
At its core, healthy conflict is based on respect. You can’t effectively disagree with someone if you don’t show respect for them. When you go into a disagreement with mutual respect, you’re less likely to say things you don’t mean or take shots at that person that aren’t relevant to the situation.
Additionally, healthy conflict doesn’t bring up past hurts. People who know how to disagree effectively stick to the subject at hand. They don’t bring up problems that occurred previously or suggest that a person’s character is based on their past mistakes. Instead, they focus on the present.
Finding the Right Time to Argue
While there is never an “ideal” time to disagree about something, healthy conflict works on a mature schedule. It’s easy to criticize someone or engage in unhealthy conflict when you’re in the heat of the moment. When feelings are hurt, you’re more likely to say something hurtful or something you’d later regret. People who practice healthy conflict know when it’s time to take a step back, collect their thoughts, and calm down.
Destructive conflict, on the other hand, focuses on feelings and emotions rather than rational thought. While emotions are absolutely valid during an argument, they shouldn’t be the driving force behind things. When they are, it’s hard to think rationally, and you’re less likely to come to a compromise or come up with a solution.
What Is Destructive Conflict?
As you might expect, destructive conflict is the polar opposite of the things listed above. People who are destructive in their arguments often bring up past issues, resort to name-calling, and place blame on everyone but themselves.
Destructive conflict isn’t based on mutual respect. Instead, it focuses on selfishness, whether the people involved realize that at the time or not. It is driven by raw emotion, and often uses hurtful words and raised voices to get the point across.
The Benefits of Healthy Conflict
You can strengthen your bond with someone when you choose to deal with conflict in healthy ways. Whether that’s a romantic partner, a friend, or a family member, using some of the suggestions listed above can help you work through a disagreement effectively. When you realize that you’re able to do that, you’ll feel closer to that person. It’s normal to have a stronger bond when you go through a difficult situation together and come out on the other side.
It’s important to remember, in most cases, the person you disagree with is on your team. You both might want the same things, but you have different ways of getting there. A romantic partner, a friend, or a family member isn’t your enemy. Adopting that perspective will make you more willing to work together to come up with a solution, rather than continuing to butt heads.
It can be difficult to change how you disagree and handle conflict—especially when you’ve been doing it another way for years. However, it’s not impossible. If you’re unsure how to put healthy conflict strategies into practice, feel free to contact us. I’m happy to provide more information and help you prioritize healthy conflict in your life with relationship counseling.
