Couples Counseling

Do You Feel Like Your Partner Doesn’t Understand You?

Are you and your significant other dealing with communication issues? Do you feel like your partner doesn’t understand your perspective or give you space to be yourself? Maybe you’ve come to realize you both hold wildly different ideas about what makes a successful relationship. Or perhaps you feel like the responsibility isn’t evenly shared between you, and your spouse has left you to do all the hard work yourself. Maybe it seems like the spark just isn’t there anymore, and you don’t feel like you’re really in love.

Relationships go through rough patches for many different reasons. You and your significant other may have been raised differently, which makes it difficult to see eye-to-eye. Perhaps your relationship was peaceful at the beginning, but now that new complications have entered the picture—such as financial issues or trying to raise children—you find new conflicts have arisen. In the face of all these struggles, you and your loved one may simply ignore one another, or refuse to confront conflict altogether.

Deep down, you probably wish you could just teleport back to when you were first in love. If this is the case, we encourage you to contact us. By working together, we can help you solve communication issues, diffuse conflict, and learn to see your loved one in a new light.

It’s Hard To See Eye-To-Eye If You Were Raised Differently

In a globalized, digitally-interconnected world where it’s easier than ever before to find common ground with other people, it’s also harder to maintain committed relationships. People today are exposed to such a wide range of parenting styles, gender roles, social attitudes, and religious views that it’s no wonder divorce rates are so high.

Because so many people have such wildly different backgrounds and upbringings, it’s hard for them to agree on how to manage a relationship. If you came from a household where your parents were extremely frugal with their money, for instance, you may have a tough time understanding why your partner spends money so freely. Or if your parents were strict and disciplinary, you may struggle to grasp why your spouse is so lenient with your children.

On our own, we tend to assume our upbringing is the “normal” one. We often hang on to our cultural and familial rules and rituals without respect for our partner’s. Being in a successful relationship, however, requires compromise. It requires sacrificing our need to be right and striking a balance between different needs and goals. In marriage counseling, we will teach you and your loved one how to reconcile your differences, rebuild trust, and compromise without abandoning your own needs.

Couples Counseling Can Help You See Your Relationship In A New Light

Relationships are hard work. No couple can solve all their problems alone because they have a hard time adopting any perspective but their own. The beauty of couples counseling is that you have the chance to vent your frustrations and share your struggles with a couples therapist who can help you see your relationship in a new light.

In the beginning, there will be a conjoint session with both you and your partner. Afterwards, we will hold one session with each of you individually to discuss your concerns. From there, the two of you will meet with a counselor regularly and receive feedback on your relationship dynamics. Although we strongly encourage that both partners come to therapy, you are free to work alone with a counselor if your significant other doesn’t want to participate.

Counseling can help you and your loved one recognize and resolve conflict and improve communication. You will have the chance to make thoughtful decisions about rebuilding and strengthening your relationship—or going your separate ways if that is what you’ve decided on. Couples counseling is often short-term; our focus is on equipping you with practical skills and resources that can help you when we’re not there. As a practice, we like to concentrate on three areas: friendship, conflict management, and creation of shared meaning. Our goal is to help you increase closeness, replace negative conflict patterns with positive ones, and create shared goals.

There are many approaches we draw from in couples therapy. Central to our practice is the Gottman Method of couples counseling, which focuses on building intimacy, affection, and respect. If there are areas in your relationship in which you feel stuck, this approach can help you identify and remove the barriers that lead to stagnation. In this way, you will be able to diffuse conflicting verbal communication and build greater understanding between you.

We also draw heavily from Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), which aims to help you work toward secure attachments with each other. The idea is to support both you and your partner as you seek to regulate your own emotions and provide security and comfort for each other. EFT is fairly similar to conscious loving, an approach focused on bringing more creativity, vitality, and love into your relationship. By letting go of power struggles and your need for control, you can allow for greater pleasure and intimacy between you.

No matter what you and your loved one have been through, we encourage you to take heart. Most couples that come to see us—even those who’ve dealt with infidelity—walk away with a deeper, stronger, and more affectionate relationship than when they came in. Relationships aren’t easy, but together, we believe we can help you work through conflict and reconcile your differences.

You may have some concerns about marriage and couples therapy…

 It’s too late to save my relationship. I can never trust my partner again.

Our goal is to strengthen your relationship as much as possible and conduct trust-building exercises with both of you. At the same, we’ll never push your relationship in a direction you don’t want it to go. If you and your partner have decided not to stay together, that is something we can help you navigate. In the meantime, we can assure you that it is possible to re-establish trust in a relationship, even in the wake of infidelity.

I don’t feel comfortable sharing certain details about my relationship.

It’s hard to share private details about your marital life with anyone, let alone someone you’ve never met. The problem is that if you don’t, the issues at hand usually get worse. Nobody likes going to the doctor to talk about their private medical problems, but if you hold off, your pain will likely only get worse. A good therapist will help you feel comfortable talking about even the most embarrassing issues. Rest assured, our staff is specially trained to help you work through topics you may not be able to talk about with anyone else.

I’m worried that couples counseling will cost too much time and money.

While finances are important, how much money would you give to rescue the relationship that’s most important to you? Considering the costs that usually come with divorce, couples counseling is a relatively cheap investment. Here, you have a chance to learn new skills and fresh insights that will enliven your relationship so that you don’t have to deal with those costs later.

Build Intimacy, Trust, And Respect In Your Relationship

If you and your partner are struggling to reconcile your differences, we would be honored to help. Together, we can help equip you with the skills to solve conflict, create shared goals, and increase closeness. To get started, you can call 910-777-1189 for a free, 15-minute phone consultation. You can also send us an email or use the online intake portal to book an appointment.

Currently, due to COVID-19, we offer both in-person and telehealth counseling services for couples.

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