Part 2: Knowing the Difference Between Codependency & Interdependency

Codependency and interdependency seem to have a lot of similarities—at least, on the surface. Codependency can cause negative issues in your relationship, while interdependency tends to lead to a healthy partnership. So, how can you make sure you’re not dealing with a codependent relationship? What are the differences between codependency and interdependency? Let’s take a closer look at some of the common differences, so you can determine what your relationship needs, how it might be struggling, and how you can strive for a more interdependent connection. 

What Is Codependency?

Codependency is when a person relies on someone else to establish a sense of self-worth. Typically, that means a romantic partner. Codependent people will often get into relationships that require them to “fix” their partner. They’ll put that person’s needs far above their own and rarely do anything for themselves. In fact, if they do end up practicing self-care of any kind, they’ll often struggle with feelings of guilt. As you might imagine, codependency can be incredibly harmful in a relationship. A codependent person typically has low self-esteem and might feel anxiously attached to their partner. 

What Is Interdependency?

Codependency creates an unequal partnership in a relationship. One person relies on the other for a sense of self-worth. Interdependency is nearly the opposite, requiring both people in the relationship to live autonomously. That doesn’t mean you don’t feel a sense of attachment to your partner. However, you’ll both be able to live your own lives and make your own decisions without relying on your partner’s approval or getting them to do it for you. Interdependent couples are more likely to express their feelings, discuss their needs and wants, and have healthy boundaries within the relationship. They’re equals. 

Signs of a Codependent Relationship

Now that you can see the differences between codependency and interdependency, it can be easier to determine what kind of relationship you are in. However, if you’re still not sure what that might look like, consider some of the common red flags of codependent people:

• Low self-esteem

• Conflict avoidant

• Guilty

• Denying self-care

Codependency in a relationship doesn’t have to mean the partnership is doomed. However, overcoming it requires both partners to make some positive changes. 

If you notice that you’re never held accountable in your relationship or that your partner lacks independence, it’s codependent. Codependency takes one side to extremes. While it might feel good to be “taken care of,” it’s not a healthy way to live, and you could be doing more harm than good regarding your partner’s mental well-being. Partners need to care for each other in healthy ways.

If you’re worried you might be the codependent one, start with getting to know yourself better. Where did your low self-esteem come from? What do you want and need in your life and in your relationship? Your goal should be to establish a greater sense of autonomy, so you can view yourself as an equal in your relationship. 

Seeking Help for Codependency

Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to snap your fingers and change when you’ve been struggling with codependency for years. Thankfully, you don’t have to do it on your own. If you want to become more interdependent and your partner is on board as well, don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help.

Feel free to contact me for more information or to set up an appointment. Together, we can get to the root cause of your codependency through substance abuse counseling. Including why you might struggle with low self-esteem or your sense of self-worth. When you start to recognize your value, you’ll be more likely to view yourself as an equal and establish a healthier relationship.